One in Three New Mothers Begin Parenthood Without Their Moms—and It Comes at a Cost

For generations, a new mother’s own mom has often been her first call, her soft landing, her steady guide through sleepless nights and overwhelming days. But for a growing number of women, that support simply isn’t there.

New data suggests that nearly one in three new mothers enters motherhood without her own mother by her side, according to a report from The Motherless Mothers and Peanut, a parenting community app. For these women, the transition to motherhood can feel lonelier, heavier, and more emotionally complex—especially during pregnancy and the postpartum period.

“Moms usually offer a kind of comfort that’s hard to replace, especially when everything feels new and overwhelming,” says Nona Kocher, MD, MPH, a Miami-based, board-certified psychiatrist. “During pregnancy and early motherhood, that kind of support matters more than ever.”

The findings also reveal a troubling pattern: women who are mothering without their mothers experience significantly higher rates of depression and other perinatal mental health conditions—particularly when the loss is due to death, illness, or estrangement.

Why Mothering Without a Mom Can Be So Hard

The global report surveyed more than 2,300 mothers and found striking disparities in mental health outcomes among those parenting without their mothers.

• 81% reported experiencing a perinatal mental health condition, more than four times the U.S. average

• In the U.S., motherless mothers were 5.4 times more likely to experience perinatal depression than the national average

• 85% said motherhood reopened their grief

These reactions are not only common—they’re deeply understandable.

“During pregnancy and postpartum, a mother can provide normalization when everything feels uncertain,” explains Kiana Shelton, LCSW, a licensed therapist. “When that maternal presence is missing, there’s not just a lack of support, but a loss of grounding. This absence can intensify feelings of isolation, anxiety, and identity confusion, all of which can increase the risk of perinatal or postpartum depression.”

Catherine M. Cunningham, MD, section chief of psychiatry at Hackensack Meridian Ocean University Medical Center, agrees. She notes that perceived loss and lack of social support are among the strongest predictors of postpartum depression.

“Mothers often provide both instrumental support and emotional scaffolding during the postpartum period,” Dr. Cunningham explains. “Instrumental support includes help with newborn care, meals, and household tasks that buffer stress and reduce sleep deprivation. Emotional scaffolding involves reassurance, validation, and modeling the maternal role—helping new moms feel capable and connected.” Without that foundation, many women feel they’re learning to mother without a map.

Loss Doesn’t Always Mean Death

Importantly, the Motherless Mothers define “loss” broadly. It can include death, illness, geographic distance, or estrangement—each carrying its own emotional weight.

Research suggests that about 6% of adults are estranged from their mothers, a reality that is often overlooked in discussions of family support.

“Estrangement is different from loss due to death or illness because it involves choice—by the daughter, the mother, or both,” says Geralyn Fortney, LPC, PMH-C, a licensed professional counselor. “That can bring up guilt, shame, and a lot of complicated emotions.”

After giving birth, some women feel a renewed urge to reach out to an estranged mother, even when they know that reconnecting may not be healthy.

“There’s a yearning for that connection during such a vulnerable moment,” Fortney says. “That pull can be overwhelming.”

Illness adds another layer of complexity, especially when a new mother is also caring for a sick parent. “Anticipatory grief may be present,” Fortney explains, “and that can intensify stress and emotional exhaustion.”

And for those whose mothers have died, the arrival of a new baby often reopens grief many thought they had already processed.

“People believe they’ve ‘moved on,’” Fortney says, “but childbirth is a powerful trigger. The desire to share the milestone, to have your mother there—it can hit all over again.”

The Support Gap in Health Care

While mothering without a mother is difficult on its own, many women report feeling unseen within the healthcare system. According to the report, 74% of respondents said their healthcare providers never asked whether they had maternal support, and only half of those who were asked felt they received meaningful help.

“The grief of mothering while motherless is rarely acknowledged in our culture,” says Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C, psychologist and founder of Phoenix Health. “When a baby arrives, the focus shifts almost entirely to the child. We also struggle culturally with grief and complicated family relationships.”

Dr. Guarnotta warns that ignoring these realities—or assuming everything is fine—can deepen loneliness and isolation.

Experts increasingly advocate for grief-aware care, an approach that recognizes loss as part of the postpartum experience rather than a separate issue.

“Grief isn’t a side note,” Dr. Kocher explains. “It’s part of the whole picture, especially during major life transitions like birth.”

Grief-aware care means listening without judgment, validating mixed emotions, and adapting care to meet mothers where they are emotionally. “That kind of support helps people feel seen instead of dismissed,” Dr. Kocher says, “and it can significantly improve both mental and physical recovery.”

Navigating Postpartum Without Your Mom

While systemic change is slow, experts say there are ways mothers can prepare for—and cope with—postpartum life without their mothers.

Ask for help early

Dr. Cunningham urges women to speak up as soon as sadness, guilt, or anxiety begin to outweigh joy.

“Screening and treatment for perinatal depression are safe and effective,” she says. “Reaching out isn’t a weakness. People who’ve lost a mother are at a higher baseline risk, and early support reduces the likelihood of longer or more severe episodes.”

Build a village

Shelton encourages mothers to intentionally create a “mothering village,” which may include friends, partners, doulas, elders, therapists, or virtual support groups.

“This isn’t about replacing your mom,” she says. “It’s about meeting your needs. Mother figures can take many forms.”

Even a small amount of professional or peer support can make a difference, Dr. Cunningham adds. “A few therapy sessions or a support group can help you feel less alone and more confident.”

Practice self-mothering

Though it may sound unfamiliar, Dr. Guarnotta says nurturing yourself can be powerful.

“Offer yourself the compassion and validation you’re longing for,” she says. “Speak kindly to yourself, rest when you can, and accept help.”

For those who had a positive relationship with their mother, she suggests asking, What would my mother tell me right now?

Plan for grief triggers

Certain moments—birthdays, anniversaries, milestones—can intensify grief.

“Recognizing those times in advance is a huge step,” Fortney says. She encourages mothers to plan gentle days, prioritize self-care, or honor their mother’s memory in meaningful ways.

Make room for mixed emotions

“Grief and joy often exist side by side in motherhood,” Dr. Kocher says. “Letting both be present without judgment reduces shame.” Fortney echoes that sentiment. “It’s okay to feel happiness and grief at the same time,” she says. “Two things can be true.”